Lessons Learned

I’ve tried writing this post over and over again and have never felt satisfied with it. I had so many high expectations for this year and to tell the truth, it has been one of the best and worst years of my life. The past couple months have been some of the hardest months I’ve ever had to go through for more reasons than one. Because of this, I have learned lesson after lesson.

I have learned that everything happens for a reason. I learned that it’s okay to breakdown sometimes. I learned to find happiness within little things like books and candles. I learned that one day I’ll find someone who has the same meaning of love as me. I learned not to depend on others … that everything is temporary … that family is life’s greatest blessing … to not take a single moment for granted … that it’s okay to spend money if it makes you happy … that you have to put yourself first … that life is too short to be stressed out about little things …

But most importantly, I learned to find my strength in words on a piece of paper. Poetry. No one was telling me what I wanted to hear, but poetry was. And it is so crazy to think something so little could make me so happy. And that’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned. But I also need to learn to wait. Be patient with life. Trust in God.

Sometimes I feel like I am on the wrong path. I’ve realized that there are so many things that I want for my future and yet, I’m nowhere near them.

Since I was 10 years old, I have said that I want to live in New York City but deep down I always think to myself that it will never happen because it’s too big of a dream and I would never survive on my own. But maybe I need to start thinking differently. If I truly want it, there are ways to make it work.

Growing up watching and reading love stories daily, I loved the idea of love. Ever since I was a little girl,  I have wanted to get married at a young age like 23 or 24. Being almost 20 years old and single, I don’t think that’s in my future anymore. I have to accept the fact that it’s okay to wait a while and focus on myself.

Going along with that, the future I’ve always wanted includes a perfect husband, wife, and kids. Finding love again terrifies me. It sounds cliché, but it’s definitely hard to think I could trust someone like that again. I did something I’ve never done before and I gave someone my whole heart, just for them to break it. I do believe the right person is out there for me, and I will just have to wait and trust God’s planning.

Trying to write a book is one of the hardest things I have ever done that it seems almost impossible. Even though I have been trying to write one for three years now, I have realized that it takes way more time than I think, and I still have a whole lifetime ahead of me. To be honest, I don’t even think I’m that great of a writer so this could all be for no reason which scares me even more.

Sometimes I just feel like I should have a lot of things figured out in my life right now but I just don’t and it will take a while for me to accept that. God has a plan for me and I have to trust in Him and quit stressing myself out. I’ve learned an extreme amount of lessons this year and I am so grateful for that and hope I am headed on the right path.

The city awaits,

Lex

PS i realize a lot of my posts are basically me pouring out my emotional feelings so very sorry about that but it’s what i like to write about so thx for reading 🙂